Thursday, July 21, 2011

could i get a do-over, please?

When I was in college, my Daddy went to Montana for about ten days with HIS mother, leaving Mama at home.  When I came home that weekend, Mama wanted us to do some things together, but I wanted to get together with my friends.

Good grief, what was I thinking?

On Friday night, I did exactly what I wanted.  My good friend and I went out together.  Of course, I don't have any idea what we did, though I think it involved a high school football game.  I do remember that around 11 o' clock we ended up in the church parking lot with a bunch of our friends and played a game of Nerf football.  One of the people there with us was my brother, who, at the time was a patrolman for the police department.  When it came time for me to be home (even in college I had a midnight curfew when I was at home) he had the dispatcher call Mama and tell her where I was and that I would be home soon.

Needless to say, this really didn't go over well with Mama, but I wasn't exactly a teenager, so she couldn't punish me in the traditional sense.  She did let me know that she wasn't pleased with what I had done.  I can't remember exactly what was said, but I do remember feeling very small.

Fast forward nearly 20 years and that weekend still comes to my mind any time I think of things that I wish I could do-over.  It is particularly on my mind this week when my husband is in Alaska and (much like Mama in the time before everyone on the planet had a cell phone) I haven't been able to talk to him hardly at all and despite all of the people I have to talk to, I still feel lonely. 

I can't help but wonder how much it hurt her for me to be so selfish and insensitive to her feelings. 

The bad thing about that do-over list?  It keeps growing and so many of the things on that list are there because I put my needs above the needs of someone else.

Good grief, shouldn't I have learned something in the last 20 years ... shouldn't I be farther along the path to maturity?

Don't answer that, I don't think I really want to know.

1 comment:

Greg and Donna said...

Oh Friend, there are many things I would like a "do over" on. I am very thankful that the Lord loves us no matter how many times we act or do something we shouldn't have!