Galatians 6:2

Tonight, I stood in my kitchen frying chicken as the tears fell ...

I miss my Mama.

I've been looking back through blog posts that I have started and not finished.  I figure it is time to finish this one since it has been on my mind lately ... I'm not sure how long it has been since I started this post, but I do know that nothing has changed.

In less than a week, we will mark 18 months since my Mama died.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of her.  At least once a week, I almost reach for the phone to tell her something ... anything.  There are so many things I wish I could ask her ... things I wish I had asked when I had the chance.

I know in my heart that I am no different than anyone else.  Everywhere I look, I see hurting people ... and in this fallen world we live in, death isn't the only thing that brings grief.  If I have learned anything over the last 18 months, it is that grief is an intensely personal journey.  A path that we all walk a little differently.  

But it is not meant to be a private journey.

Galatians 6:2

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Stop and let that sink in a minute.

We were never created to walk through our trials alone.  As Christians, we know that we always have the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort us (see John 14), but God also commands us to be there for each other ~ to help in time of need.  God doesn’t tell us to fix the problem, He simply tells us to share in the burden.

I am not very good at this ~ in either direction.  My tendency is to be a hermit.  I want to hold on to my personal pain and I often shrink from the pain of others.  But this isn’t what God intended. 

I have often heard it said and probably even said it myself, that God will not give us more than we can handle.  I no longer think this is true.  I believe that God allows situations that we absolutely cannot handle on our own ~ whatever form they may take ~ in our lives that are needed to help us to grow and mature in our faith.

When I think back 18 months to the time when Mama was home on Hospice care and then to the day she died and the days following, my mind doesn’t always immediately go to the pain and grief.  I can also think of my sweet friends in our homeschool group who provided meals for my family in a time when they would have been living on peanut butter and jelly had it been up to me.  And then there was the amazing “coincidence” that my dear friend from church was in town the day Mama died despite the fact that she has moved a couple of hours away.  Amy chose to come sit with me during one of the most difficult days of my life.

My friends didn’t have to bear my burden, but I will never forget that they chose to be the hands and feet of Jesus for me.  I pray that I never miss an opportunity to do the same for someone else.

creation vs. evolution debate

Outside my window, there are tons of birds doing what birds do.  Watching (and photographing) them is one of my favorite things.  My favorites are the male blue jays and cardinals that we have in great abundance around here.  Their bright colors are so distinctive and just plain beautiful.  As I look out on the tiny little bit of nature in my back yard, I am often amazed by the world around me and even more so by the infinite creativity of God.

There has been quite a bit of talk over the last few days regarding the debate between Ken Ham of the Creation Museum and Bill Nye (you know "The Science Guy").  I watched the debate on Tuesday night with great interest.  I love debate and was excited to see one on this topic - especially with Ken Ham participating.  Although I didn't know much about Bill Nye before the debate, I was also interested in how he would back up his stance that you cannot be a Christian and a scientist at the same time.

The debate went pretty much as I expected.  Both men were respectful of each other on stage and neither man was swayed by anything the other said.  I was a little surprised at the debate format, which allowed for very little interaction between the two men.  I was also surprised by how little actual science was discussed.  Bill Nye kept to his demeaning attitude of creationists aren't real scientists and thus have no place in either science or education, while Ken Ham showed many examples of men and women who are managing to be both at the same time.  Both Nye and Ham gave some scientific evidence for their respective positions, but it was relatively shallow on both parts, probably due to time constraints and an attempt (at least on Mr. Ham's part) to stick to the debate topic of whether or not "creation is a viable model for science in today's modern, scientific world."

Several people have asked me who I think won the debate.  My opinion on this question is much like many others I have read over the last couple of days ... who won ultimately depends on your worldview.  Because of this, I have been reminded of how critical it is to have a biblical worldview.

Watching this debate took me back a few (and by a few, I really mean, like 25) years to when I was in my high school biology class and other classes where we were debating the creation/evolution question.  Thankfully, I had great teachers, most of whom didn't teach evolution as fact (though it was presented that way in our textbooks) and I also had great parents who taught me that not everything taught in school is true, so I wasn't swayed by the evolutionary worldview.  

BUT, at that time I had never heard the term "worldview" and to be honest, I didn't really know what I believed.  Of course, I believed the Bible, but I didn't know how to reconcile that to science ... and neither did the people teaching me. Basically my beliefs went something like this ... I believe the Bible, so anything that contradicts the Bible can't be true.  Don't get me wrong, I still believe this, but I am not sure that I would survive in today's far more aggressive educational climate.

The problem was that I really didn't know what I believed when it comes to the age of the earth or if the creation account in Genesis was literal or allegorical ... the list of questions to which I would only answer the Bible tells me so was too long and I am not sure that I could have defended my faith in the face of someone who challenged me with their own beliefs.  Worse than that, I was not capable of sharing my faith with someone who came to the table with scientific questions.  

That isn't to say that God isn't bigger than my lack of understanding, thankfully, He is quite capable of filling in the gaps in my abilities.  But as a Christian and as a parent, I want to be able to give my children a greater understanding of the world they live in ... not so that they will look to science for their understanding, but so they will understand that science and the Bible aren't mutually exclusive ... in other words, the Bible is the final authority for every facet of life - not just religious study.

I have a lot more that I want to say about worldview, but that will have to wait for another day.  I do have one final comment about the debate, though.  If you really want to know who I think won, here is my opinion.

I think that Ken Ham "won" for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He clearly presented the Gospel more than once during the debate and with the huge audience watching online, who knows what God will accomplish?

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.  Isaiah 55:11

I don't know where God sent His word, but I believe that it will accomplish HIS purpose.  It doesn't matter who the world thinks won the debate, the only thing that matters is what God will do with His Word.

the wonderful cross

The Old Rugged Cross, There Is a Fountain Filled with Blood, When I Survey the Wondrous Cross, Calvary Covers it All, I Saw the Cross of Jesus, Are You Washed in the Blood, Nothing but the Blood, Jesus Paid It All ...


Do you see the pattern?  Are you offended by it?


I've spent a fair amount of time over the last few days thinking about that question and about the stories I have heard about people who would like to remove the mention of the cross and the shedding of Jesus' blood from church services so as not to offend anyone.


So, am I offended by the cross?


My pious answer would be of course not, I love to sing about the cross and I love to hear the Word preached, even when it makes me uncomfortable.


But then I begin to think about the truth of my life, every aspect of it.  The way I choose to spend my time, the way I treat my children and my husband, the attitudes that others rarely ever see...and the list goes on.  It is at this point that I cannot deny that my words and my actions don't line up.  I love to sing about what Jesus did for me when He willingly gave His life for my sin, but I so easily forget that while it is true that Jesus Paid It All, it is equally true that All to Him I owe... and it is here that I fail again and again.  And it is here that again and again I must return to the foot of the Cross and seek forgiveness and renewal.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; 
and renew a right spirit within me. 

Cast me not away from thy presence; 
and take not thy holy spirit from me. 

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; 
and uphold me with thy free spirit. 

Psalm 51:10-12

I leave you, on this weekend when I have been reminded time and again what my Savior has done for me, with the words to one of my all time favorite hymns.  I hope that these words hold a special meaning for you like they do for me. 

Jesus Paid It All

Words by: Elvina M. Hall

Taken from: The Baptist Hymnal

I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small,

Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all."

Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find Thy power, and Thine alone

Can change the leper's spots and melt the heart of stone.

Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I Whereby Thy grace to claim;

I'll wash my garments white In the blood of Calv'ry's Lamb.

Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

And when, before the throne, I stand in Him complete,

"Jesus died my sould to save," My lips shall still repeat.

Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

how do I teach a lesson I haven't learned yet?

I needed an instruction manual for this one.  One of those step by step troubleshooting guides that tell you exactly what steps to take and what to do next if the first thing doesn't work.  But, that isn't the way it works and I have fumbled around in the darkness trying to do it on my own.

But this lesson isn't just mine ... it belongs to an 11 year old girl whose heart was broken by circumstances that none of us could control or explain away.  In the midst of my own emotional response to the original problem, I still desperately want for her to come away from her hurt a stronger person.  Isn't that what life is all about anyway ... moving forward with grace and dignity even when all we want to do is curl up in a ball and cry or, worse yet, attack the source of our anger.

The difficulty in our current situation is that she has every right ~ within human understanding ~ to be angry and hurt.  This isn't a case of a child not getting her way and throwing a fit.  I cannot look my child in the eye this time and explain to her that this is all just a misunderstanding.  Oh, how I wish I could.  Even more, I wish I could fix it for her, but that doesn't appear to be possible.

After all the talk at home, and with a few close friends, and several attempts to pray through the situation, I took it to the people who always help me to gain perspective...and who have absolutely no prior knowledge of what was going on...my Sunday school class.  I had no intention of talking to them about this, but our lesson today was from James 3 ... we spent most of the class talking about wisdom.

And that is just what I need ... wisdom to help my child work through this, wisdom to handle my own emotions in such a way that I don't become bitter toward the people involved.  Wisdom that I haven't been able to come up with in the last couple of days. 

But, as one of the class members pointed out, the answer was just one page back from the verses we were reading today ...

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

There is just one problem.  To do this, I must be willing to give up my own anger and my own hurt and help my daughter to do the same.  No matter how justified it feels right now, it isn't from God and it isn't what He wants for our lives.  And, just to confirm what the class was saying to me, the scripture reading for this morning was from Psalm 84, but the man reading concluded with a few verses from Philippians 4 that just felt like a beacon shining on my spirit in answer to my lack of wisdom.

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

God isn't indifferent to the hurt my child is feeling because she is His child first and foremost.  He knows that though this thing isn't life threatening, it is shaping her spirit and in this His desire should be my desire, that she walk through this situation and the many others that will arise in her life, knowing one thing ... she is never alone and her one goal should be to reflect His love, no matter what.

Maybe, just maybe, I have access to the instruction manual after all ... I just have to be willing to heed its words of wisdom ...

broken into beautiful

As I sit here, looking at the blank page before me, I realize that I have no idea how to write about this topic in a way that will do it justice.  So often when this realization comes to me, I give up, but not today.  I may not be able to write eloquently, but today, I am going to share what is on my heart anyway.

I read a question the other day, on one of my favorite blogs, about how God speaks to us as individuals.  The author of this blog asked her readers to think about the ways that God has spoken to us and the first answer that came to my mind was music.  I have always loved to sing, and even though my best efforts are simply a "joyful noise,"  I still find myself, almost unconsciously, singing the words to a hymn when I am feeling empty and I realize that it is no coincidence that a song just popped into my mind.  It is a gift from my Father, who wants me to focus on Him rather than on my circumstances.  This shouldn't surprise me, the Bible tells me that God hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. (Psalm 40:3)

Knowing that music is powerful in the lives of many Christians is part of why I enjoy singing in the choir.  Having the opportunity to praise God through song is only part of why I sing.  One of my favorite parts of singing in the choir is getting to see the faces of the congregation while we sing.  Sometimes, you can look at them and know that they aren't just listening to us, they are worshiping the Father with us as we sing.  It has nothing to do with how well we present the song, it is simply that the words resonate with them and point them to the Savior.  We experienced this true worship yesterday morning with a song from our Easter musical, Broken Into Beautiful.  The song was sung by my friend, Amy, with a little ~very little~ help from the choir and it felt as if the congregation was collectively holding their breath while she sang the words that seemed to touch every heart in the sanctuary.

She's smiling on the outside, but she's hurting on the inside,

it's hard just living anymore, and the shadows she has clung to,

painful things that she has been through have left her feeling worthless, Lord.

I have loved this song from the first time I heard it.  We read this woman's story in Luke 7:36-50.  She is the one who anointed Jesus' feet with ointment and wiped them with her hair, but this story is so much more than just a story. 

It is the reality that has been experienced by every person who has come to the feet of the Savior asking forgiveness and accepting the love He offers. 

The first few times I listened to the song I couldn't help but think of the line the shadows she has clung to, painful things she has been through have left her feeling worthless, Lord ... this is personal, the shadows that I have clung to ... have left me feeling worthless and alone at times and, like the woman in the song, I know how to put on the smile for everyone to see.  Of course, I am not unique and thankfully the story doesn't end with the fake smiles and feelings of failure.

But You change worthless into precious, guilty to forgiven,

hungry into satisfied, empty into full and all the lies are shattered

and we believe we matter when You change broken into beautiful.

Again, I am not unique in my personal connection with this song.  As I looked out over the congregation as Amy sang, I could see that same connection on many of the faces.  I know the story behind some of those faces ... each story is different and yet they are all the same when they are poured out at the feet of Jesus.

We live with accusations, sometimes heavy expectations

that tell us that we can never measure up. 

 And yet You repeat with mercy and in Your eyes we are

worthy, until at last we see how much we're loved.

But You change worthless into precious, guilty to forgiven,

hungry into satisfied, empty into full, and all the lies are shattered

and we believe we matter, when You change broken into beautiful.

_________________________________________

I found this video on YouTube if you would like to listen to the song ...

don't forget to pause the blog music!

another hymn for another week

A few weeks ago, our church held a dedication service for our new hymnals.  I was skeptical when I first heard that Lifeway was coming out with a new hymnal, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the excellent mix of old and new.  Today we sang several of my favorite hymns, but the one I want to share is a new one we learned in choir tonight.  If you haven't heard the song, you can listen to it here.

I don't know what else to say, except that as we sang tonight I just found myself praying these words and thinking how appropriate they are for the beginning of a new week.  I hope it speaks to you, as well.

Holy Spirit, Rain Down

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down;

O Comforter and Friend,

How we need Your touch again.

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down;

Let Your power fall, let Your voice be heard,

Come and change our hearts as we stand on Your Word.

Holy Spirit, rain down.

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down;

O Comforter and Friend,

How we need Your touch again.

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down;

Let Your power fall, let Your voice be heard,

Come and change our hearts as we stand on Your Word.

Holy Spirit, rain down.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard,

No mind can know what God has in store;

So open up heaven, open it wide

Over Your church and over our lives.

Holy Spirit, rain down, rain down;

Let Your power fall, let Your voice be heard,

Come and change our hearts as we stand on Your Word.

Holy Spirit, rain down.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name,

he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance,

whatsoever I have said unto you.  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you;

not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled,

neither let it be afraid.  John 14:26 & 27

Words and Music by Russell Fragar ~ Hillsong Publishing ~ from the Baptist Hymnal

a hymn for the coming week

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not,

nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God,

he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee,

nor forsake thee.  Deuteronomy 31:6

Be Strong in the Lord

Be strong in the Lord, and be of good courage;

Your mighty Defender is always the same.

Mount up with wings, as the eagle ascending;

Vict'ry is sure when you call on His name.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And be of good courage, for He is your guide.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And rejoice, for the vict'ry is yours.

So put on the armor the Lord has provided,

And place your defense in His unfailing care.

Trust Him, for He will be with you in battle,

Lighting your path to avoid ev'ry snare.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And be of good courage, for He is your guide.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And rejoice, for the vict'ry is yours.

Be strong in the Lord, and be of good courage;

Your mighty Commander will vanquish the foe.

Fear not the battle, for the vict'ry is always His;

He will protect you wherever you go.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And be of good courage, for He is your guide.

Be strong, be strong, be strong in the Lord;

And rejoice, for the vict'ry is yours.

Linda Lee Johnson from the Baptist Hymnal


Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the
wiles of the devil.  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual
wickedness in high places.  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God,
that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 
Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth and having on the breastplate
of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery
darts of the wicked.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6:10-17

a promise kept

I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.  And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.  And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.   Genesis 9:13-16