in everything ... give thanks

No exceptions.  God didn't tell us to give thanks when we feel thankful.  He wants us to give thanks no matter what we feel ... as a matter of fact ~one that we all know, but bears repeating anyway~ it is more important to give thanks when we don't feel thankful.  But that isn't the case for me today.  Despite the drama in our house, we still had a great weekend.  We enjoyed quite a bit of really good family time, not to mention the time spent some time with great friends. 

And so, my list continues ...

52. a quiet supper with my husband
53. knowing that the kids are well cared for and enjoying their time
54. going to the funeral home and seeing peace on the faces of the family
55. Dads taking the kids on field trips
56. enjoying breakfast and easy conversation with good friends
57. realizing that we could have talked all day and most likely not run out of topics
58. LB spending the afternoon with a friend and coming home with boosted spirits (thank you, my friend!!!)
59. fresh, honest perspective from my SS class
60. Sunday afternoon naps
61. choir practice
62. two sweet ladies from church who treated our family to supper after choir practice (fortunately for them, the kids were free since it was Sunday)
63. a trip to the library
64. my baby getting a library card and being excited about checking out his first books all by  himself!
65. a safe place to ride out today's storm and the kids basically being oblivious to what was happening outside since they were playing with friends
66. Ronnie figuring out how to fix my internet!
67. seeing the beginnings of understanding through a tough situation

how do I teach a lesson I haven't learned yet?

I needed an instruction manual for this one.  One of those step by step troubleshooting guides that tell you exactly what steps to take and what to do next if the first thing doesn't work.  But, that isn't the way it works and I have fumbled around in the darkness trying to do it on my own.

But this lesson isn't just mine ... it belongs to an 11 year old girl whose heart was broken by circumstances that none of us could control or explain away.  In the midst of my own emotional response to the original problem, I still desperately want for her to come away from her hurt a stronger person.  Isn't that what life is all about anyway ... moving forward with grace and dignity even when all we want to do is curl up in a ball and cry or, worse yet, attack the source of our anger.

The difficulty in our current situation is that she has every right ~ within human understanding ~ to be angry and hurt.  This isn't a case of a child not getting her way and throwing a fit.  I cannot look my child in the eye this time and explain to her that this is all just a misunderstanding.  Oh, how I wish I could.  Even more, I wish I could fix it for her, but that doesn't appear to be possible.

After all the talk at home, and with a few close friends, and several attempts to pray through the situation, I took it to the people who always help me to gain perspective...and who have absolutely no prior knowledge of what was going on...my Sunday school class.  I had no intention of talking to them about this, but our lesson today was from James 3 ... we spent most of the class talking about wisdom.

And that is just what I need ... wisdom to help my child work through this, wisdom to handle my own emotions in such a way that I don't become bitter toward the people involved.  Wisdom that I haven't been able to come up with in the last couple of days. 

But, as one of the class members pointed out, the answer was just one page back from the verses we were reading today ...

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

There is just one problem.  To do this, I must be willing to give up my own anger and my own hurt and help my daughter to do the same.  No matter how justified it feels right now, it isn't from God and it isn't what He wants for our lives.  And, just to confirm what the class was saying to me, the scripture reading for this morning was from Psalm 84, but the man reading concluded with a few verses from Philippians 4 that just felt like a beacon shining on my spirit in answer to my lack of wisdom.

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

God isn't indifferent to the hurt my child is feeling because she is His child first and foremost.  He knows that though this thing isn't life threatening, it is shaping her spirit and in this His desire should be my desire, that she walk through this situation and the many others that will arise in her life, knowing one thing ... she is never alone and her one goal should be to reflect His love, no matter what.

Maybe, just maybe, I have access to the instruction manual after all ... I just have to be willing to heed its words of wisdom ...

promises of things to come

I started this post last week when the weather was beautiful and we were all feeling a little bit of spring fever.  Today, the weather is a little more seasonal (rainy and cool) and our moods may not be as bright, but I'm going to forge ahead anyway.

Painted toenails.

Children playing barefoot in the sunshine.

Baseball/t-ball practices.

Plans for a May dance recital.

New Easter music.

Practices for end of the year dramas/musicals.

A Mama struggling almost as much as the kids to stay focused on school work.

There can be no doubt, these are all signs that spring is on the way.  I have been loving this little taste of spring that we have been experiencing over the last couple of weeks.  As always, spring holds more than just warmer temperatures and trees blooming ... it holds a promise of things to come.  Some of the things that we know are coming may not be as welcome as others ... like the 95 degree temps and 100% humidity that our summer is sure to hold ... but this isn't the time to focus on that ;-)

I have been amazed this year (as I almost always am) at the beauty and the suddenness of spring flowers ... especially the flowering trees.  This year, the Bradford Pear trees have been stunning in our area.  So much so, that even my kids have noticed how beautiful they are and how many of them they see.  Our small tree has already dropped most of its blooms and is quickly changing from white to green, but several in our neighborhood are still covered in the lovely white blossoms.  Somehow, it just seems to lift my spirit to see the beauty that God has placed in His creation for us to enjoy.  Yet, so often, I forget to praise Him for that beauty.  I simply take it for granted, as if it were just an accident of nature.

In a continued effort to take nothing for granted, I am continuing to count my blessings . . .

42. trees in bloom everywhere
43. barefoot kids ... even if it is only March
44. dead bushes hauled away and the clean new look to our yard
45. boys enjoying baseball
46. a daughter's desire to dance ... and her choosing a song of worship for her duet
47. friends who pray
48. Sunday School parties
49. Adults willing to laugh at themselves
50. simple conversation
51. the sound of rain falling as I type

blogging is "therapetic"

It is hard to believe, but I have been blogging for two years!  This is my 215th blog post ... not counting all those that I never finished for one reason or another (or the ones I finished, but didn't have the guts to publish).  It is funny to me how blogging has changed my perspective on everyday things.  I take far more pictures than I ever have before, even if I haven't used any of them on this blog lately.  Little things that the kids do and say almost always spark some thought about how I could blog what they are doing.  I have noticed that lately I am not as good about posting those little things as I used to be.  As much as I enjoy blogging, I just haven't had the time for it lately.

Still, I started blogging as an outlet for writing.  I enjoy writing and truly find it therapetic, to borrow a term from Barney Fife.  Of course, blogging isn't just about writing my own posts, it is just as much about reading posts on other blogs.  I have been amazed to realize how many normal, everyday people blog.  One of the unexpected aspects of blogging for me is the fact that I feel like I know the authors of some of the blogs I read simply because of their candor in sharing their lives.  I haven't been successful in being that transparent with my blog, not because I want people to think that everything is all sunshine and roses in my life, but because I just can't figure out how to share some things without feeling as though I am giving more information than any of you could possibly want to know about my life.

Blogging has brought unexpected blessings into my life that I never could have imagined.  Besides being a creative outlet for me, it has brought me closer to several other homeschooling moms in the area and allowed us to form real friendships.  These ladies have become very dear to me and I am thankful for what we share, both in the blogging community and in real life.  In a way, I could attribute my place in our new homeschool group simply to this blogging thing ... but that is a story for another day.

If I had to choose what I have learned most from blogging, I think my answer would be simple ... gratitude.  As I have spent time reading other blogs, I have learned to recognize the small blessings in my own life.  Sometimes that happens because the author is intentionally pointing the reader in that direction, but just as often it comes by seeing the pain and struggle that people face.  For the most part, I lead a fairly sheltered life and sometimes I am just stunned by the things that people go through.  Not only has this exposure forced me to realize just how blessed I am in the things I have had to deal with, it has helped me to realize that I don't always handle adversity in the way that I should.

When I sit down to blog these days, I am finding myself more and more drawn to sharing something uplifting ... more directly stated, I want to point anyone reading my words to the Savior.  I don't have the opportunity to come into contact with many people outside of my little circle, so in a sense, this is my mission field.  Of course, most of the people who stop by here on a regular basis are probably already Christians.  Still, we all need encouragement from time to time and my goal is to be used to provide that for anyone reading this blog.  I have been encouraged more than I can express by some of the blogs I read on a regular basis and I guess I am feeling challenged to pass that encouragement along to the next person.

All in all, I am truly thankful for what this blog has come to symbolize in my life ... a place to share what God is doing in my life and in the the life of my family, not to mention, a place to connect with others in a way that wouldn't have been possible even just a few years ago.   I do appreciate those of you who come here and read my ramblings.  I am still not sure why you're here, but I sure do hope you keep coming back for the next 215 posts!

prayer needed

Please pray for Crosby ... he is the 2 week old nephew of my friend, Rie.  Crosby will be having heart surgery on Wednesday morning.  Please lift him, his family, his doctors, and all involved in his care up to our Father.  Thank you.

blessing abound

This makes about the tenth time I have started this post and I just can't seem to find the right words to express what I am feeling right now.  Maybe that is a good thing ... not that I am in a bad mood, just that being thankful is much more useful than the crazy thoughts running around in my head.

31. children playing barefoot in the yard in February
32. windows open letting in the beautiful weather
33. listening to (and trying to learn) our new Easter music ... which included singing with the music and only giving a passing thought to the fact that the windows were open and what my neighbors might think about my singing.
34. the kids working together to clean the living room this morning
35. lentils and rice for supper (one of my favorites!)
36. Ronnie meeting with other Dads in our homeschool group to pray for their families
37. Marie and Gregg opening their home for the men to meet
38. the friendships that I see developing between my husband and the other dads
39. the wonderfully uplifting sermon on Heaven that was shared in our service yesterday morning
40. Ronnie preaching last night ... he only does this once or twice a year and he does a great job, though it makes me incredibly nervous!
41. and finally, since we are supposed to be thankful for everything ... I am thankful for the sink/counter full of dishes that I must go wash RIGHT NOW!

The Longer I Serve Him

I have been debating whether or not to write this post, but since I've decided to go ahead with it, I do hope that I can do it justice. 

He called me Jenny. 

No one has ever done that before and I still don't know how he got started doing it, yet somehow I didn't mind it too much coming from this gentle man.  Now he is gone and memories are swirling around in my head ... prayers he prayed, snatches of conversations, his ready smile and soft chuckle ... all good memories of a man that will be greatly missed.  There are two stories from the years I have known him that seem to keep coming up in my mind that just speak clearly to the life he lived.

_______________________

When Ronnie became the Sunday School director for our church several years ago he decided that we needed to have teachers' meetings on a regular basis.  For the first couple of years we had prayer partners among the teachers.  The plan was for the partners to be secret until the end of the year, when we would reveal who we'd been praying for all year.  I will never forget when Bro. Jimmie told me that I was the one he had been praying for.  He told me that he took the card with my name on it and put it on the mirror in his bathroom and prayed for me each day.  Every day, for a whole year.  I was amazed and I was convicted.  I wouldn't be able to look at the person I had been praying for and speak those words to them.  Their card had been in my Bible and I prayed for them each time I came across the card, but I knew that I had not been the faithful prayer warrior for my partner that Bro. Jimmie had been for me.  As I sit here, typing these words and picturing Bro. Jimmie in my mind, I can hear bits of prayers that I have heard him pray over the last ten and a half years ... prayers for peace and comfort and healing, and I am incredibly thankful to know that he lifted my name up to our Father.

___________________

Just a few weeks ago our choir began working on the song The Longer I Serve Him.  When we finished singing through it the first time our choir director had a questioning look on his face as he looked at Bro. Jimmie ... as we had sung the song, he had cried.  A few years ago I don't think I would have truly understood the significance of his tears, but I do now.  This song meant so much to him because he lived it every day.  He could attest to the truth of the words that are only just beginning to take on real meaning to me. 

The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows. 

The more that I love Him, more love He bestows. 

Each day is like heaven, my heart overflows. 

The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.

Bro. Jimmie wasn't with us on Sunday morning when the choir sang this song in church.  Beginning Sunday evening and for all of eternity, this gentleman, who impacted my life in such a powerful way, is experiencing the reward for a life lived in devoted service to his King.  I cannot mourn for him, but I will miss him and I can look forward to seeing him again one day. 



But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.  For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.  For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God:  and the dead in Christ shall rise first:  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.  Wherefore comfort one another with these words.  1 Thessalonians 4:13-18