it isn't your story

For the past several months, our homeschool drama group has been working on the musical Pilgrim, which is an adaptation of the book Pilgrim’s Progress, by John Bunyan.  For those who may not have read this book, it is the story of “the man” who realizes the burden of his sin and begins a journey (at the impetus of the King) which leads him on the path, first to the Cross and eventually to the Celestial City.  The path is sometimes full of joy and sometimes full of struggle, but the man, who is called Christian, comes to realize that the King is always with him as he travels.  I read the book in my younger years and plan to read it again this summer with my kids, but even knowing the basic premise (I can’t remember all the details) I wasn’t prepared for how powerfully I would be moved as I watched these kids perform.

This production has been several years in the making – since our drama director found the play and has been waiting for her daughter to be old enough to play Christian.  I have no doubt that God has been, in her words, staying her hand, until our group gained the needed maturity to tackle such a huge project.  We have never done a musical and the majority of our soloists had never sung a solo in public.  Most of them were sure that they absolutely COULD NOT sing in public, but they did and it was beautiful. 

God reminded me of many things as we prepared for and performed this play.  From the very first time I watched the DVD of the original performance and then even more as I read the script, I began to see so many parallels to my own journey.  Even my kids began to notice things and would often mention how some detail of life resembled the play.  Then, as I watched Isabela (and her Mama) tackle the role of Christian and face the many trials along the way (both figurative and literal), it became even more clear that God was in the timing of this.  These kids (and their directors) were not just learning lines and blocking, we were learning the Truth of the Presence of God in every situation.  The kids faced the trials of parts outside of their comfort zones and the adults faced details of sets and sound systems (among other things) that seemed impossible to work out.  Everyone dealt with everyday life that seemed to crowd into (or crowd out) the time needed to prepare for the play.  But, we persevered and the play came together; as a result, we had the opportunity to see God bless our efforts.

I have been working through my emotions surrounding the play since our final scheduled performance this past Saturday and I want to record some of the things I would like for the cast to know about what they have just experienced.  These are the things that I want my own children to take away from this experience and the things that I want to remember as well.

This was more than just a play.  I think our students know that.  I have been amazed as I have watched the kids grow through this production, not just as performers, but as people.  I pray that the truth of this play has seeped into their very being and that they will never be the same.  Each one of our drama kids may have been to the Cross before this play started, but we all need to be reminded that the King is always with us and that He cares about every moment of our lives.  I hope that they never forget that a Christian can leave the path, but cannot step outside of the King’s care for His children. 

Any play has the potential to teach us something, but this one goes much deeper.  These children – many of whom are actually young adults – had the opportunity to step on to a stage and share the Gospel.  In order to do this, each one had to “become” a character.  Some of those characters “fit” the individual.  Some didn’t.  Many of them had to go back and forth between being good guys and bad guys.  Some kids had lots of lines, some had only a few.  But none of that matters.  I want these kids to know that it makes no difference what part they played, the number of lines they spoke, or even the amount of talent they have for acting.  Every one of those students participated in spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ through this play.  Even those playing the “bad guys” set in motion a time when Christian learned something more from the King. 

And that is why this play was so very moving to me.  God using the good and the bad to show us HIS plan is a very real part of life.  As Christians, we often struggle to see the good in a situation that holds only grief and despair for us, but thankfully, God sees the bigger picture and He isn’t going to leave us in our despair.  Often, it is in our lowest moments - in the times of our greatest trials when our King uses the people around us to speak to our deepest needs and to point us to Him.  One of my favorite parts of the play is the Castle of Doubt scene (where Christian and Hopeful have left the path looking for an easier way and learn the hard way that the story isn’t about them).  I have been there and I am so thankful for the people who have filled the role of Hopeful in my life.  We all need to be reminded occasionally that this life isn’t about us.  This isn’t your story or my story, it is HIS story and that is infinitely better.

I realize that this most of this won’t make sense if you haven’t seen the play or read the book – so go do it!  Read the book that is.

I know that this is already long, but I can’t help but end with a few pictures of the play.

Lora in her role as Obstinate … she plays a pretty good bad guy.

James as Evangelist – my favorite of my kid’s roles.

Lora was our choreographer (she took the original dances and turned them into something our less experienced dancers could actually do). I think she learned that she would rather dance than choreograph.

The whole crew at Vanity Fair

educated?

It happens every year about this time. I realize that we are approaching the end of the school year and we haven't accomplished as much as I would have liked.  It doesn't matter that we school year-round, so the end of the school year simply means that there will be a change in our extra-curricular activities … we go from drama and dance to Vacation Bible School preparation … but that is another story in itself.

This year is different, though.  Now that I have my first high-school student, I am feeling the pressure to “keep up” with what her counterparts in public school, or even other homeschoolers, are doing.

But, that is not why I am educating my children at home.

All of this contemplation has led me to really search out what it means to be educated.  I looked up the definition … and the word means exactly what I thought it meant, but what does that really mean for my kids?

Simply put, what is it that I want my children to know before they graduate?  More importantly, what do they need to know before they leave the safety of our home and make their way in the world?  Does my responsibility for my children's education end with a list of courses to finish and credits to list on a transcript?  Somehow, this seems to miss out on the whole point of what I have spent the last 10 years doing … or at least aiming to do. I don’t want my kids to leave home thinking that their education has been limited to the time we have spent doing bookwork.

With that in mind, I am working on a list of the “things” I want the kids to know or understand before they leave the nest.  This list probably won't scratch the surface of everything that they really need, but I am just going to start and see how far I get.

To my children:

·        Each of you is loved unconditionally.  The love that your Daddy and I have for you is in no way tied to anything you might (or might not) accomplish ~ academically or otherwise.  But, never forget that we do not love you perfectly … we don’t have that ability.  We have made mistakes and we will continue to make mistakes.  Our mistakes don’t mean that we love you any less, they simply mean that we are human.

·        I want the three of you to learn to love each other unconditionally.  Someday you just might need each other … don’t wait for that day to come to become friends.

·        On the same train of thought as #1, you each need to understand that you are not the center of our world.  I don’t believe that God ever intended it to be that way.  Someday, you will step out of our home and make your own way in the world.  When you do, it will go easier for you if you already understand that you aren’t the center of the universe. This may not make sense to you now, but someday it will.

·        I want you to know the value of hard work.  Sometimes teaching you this seems like a losing battle to your daddy and me.  But we will continue plugging along.  You may not enjoy hard work now, but I pray that you learn to do it anyway. (See Colossians 3:17)

·        I also want you to know the beauty of serving others.  This is something that I already see each of you embracing, and I am extremely proud of you for it.  Just don’t lose the joy you now find in service. I don’t claim to have learned too many things in this life, but I do believe that you will never regret time spent serving others.  Oh, and don’t worry if they don’t seem to appreciate what you do.  Ultimately, what you do isn’t for them anyway.  (Again, see Colossians 3:17)

·        I want you to know the importance of being willing to step out of your comfort zones and try new things.  This was probably one of the hardest lessons I had to learn as an adult.  Don’t wait like I did. You will be amazed by the things you can accomplish if you are willing to try.

·        I want you to learn how to be a friend.  This is a tough one.  I am “full-grown” and I am still learning.  Learn to forgive, even when it is hard.  Learn that just when someone seems most un-lovable, this is most likely the time that they need someone to show them love.  Ask God to allow you to see people the way He sees them.

·        I want you to know how to think outside the box.  I don’t want you to buck the system just for the sake of being different, but I don’ t want you to follow the crowd either.  Think for yourself.  And more importantly, pray and seek God’s guidance and then follow Him!  (See Proverbs 3:5-6)

·        There is one final lesson that I want you to know before I type up that final transcript.  I want you to know HOW to learn.  In the immortal words of Ernest T. Bass, you will learn how to “read a little, write a little, and tote up yer ciphers” during the years we school together, but unless you walk away knowing how to learn things on your own, I will have failed you.  And what is probably more important, I want you to WANT to learn.  I hope that you will never forget the saying that hangs on our school room wall –

If you are not willing to learn,

 no one can help you.

If you are determined to learn,

 no one can stop you.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but maybe it is a good beginning.  I am thankful that I still have a few more years to be involved in my children's education, but I know that the time will fly and I will be typing that final transcript before I know it ... 

but I'm not going to dwell on that thought right now.

what we've been doing outside of the classroom

A couple of weeks ago I was asked about my philosophy of home education.  I’m not exactly sure what I said, but I am pretty sure that it sounded as dumb to those listening as it did to my own ears.  I have since come up with a better answer.  Here goes …

I want to squeeze as much fun … as many good memories … as possible into the years I have my children at home with me.  Now, many of those memories need to center on your basic, sitting-at-the-desk-doing-math, kind of days.  Many days yes, but certainly not all.  So, with that in mind, here is a look into what we’ve been doing outside the classroom lately.

all three smiling ... quite an accomplishment for my non-photogenic family

my beautiful girl

the boys playing in the corn bin ... 
I guess you never get too old for this kind of fun

a rare picture of me ... sitting in the very stinky hay

ain't he cute?

 A few weeks ago we made our somewhat annual (read – we want to do it every year but don’t always get to) trip to the pumpkin patch.  We’ve been doing this since our very first year homeschooling … as a matter of fact, I think the pumpkin patch was one of our very first field trips to ever attend and I know it was the first one I ever planned.  This is not something that I ever did as a child (did they even have pumpkin patches way back then??), but I have loved how much my children LOVE this super fun fall activity.  I am sure that they have learned a few things over the years, but honestly, we aren’t taking this field trip to claim school hours learning … it is just FUN!

JW chose a flat one for the
pumpkin stack that is now
next to our front door.

D and his so-ugly-it-is-almost-cute pumpkin

Of course, some field trips are both educational and fun.  This was certainly true of our recent trip to the Grand Gulf Military Park in Port Gibson, MS.  The children were given the history of the Civil War battle fought there and then sent off to explore the wonderful park.  Oddly, one of my favorite parts was exploring the old cemetery.  Roaming through weathered tombstones is always such a poignant reminder of our connection to the past. 

Our history teacher - the park director

The kids wandering through a section of the cemetery

The group - taken by LB from about halfway up the
observation tower ... no one in my family
wanted to go any higher.

JW and his best friend

One of my favorite views of the day.

We ended our day with a visit to Windsor Ruins located somewhere near the Natchez Trace, not too far from Port Gibson.   Windsor is the remains of what was once a beautiful antebellum home.  This massive home has a sad history ~ the man who built it died within weeks of its completion.  Later, it was used by both Confederate and Union troops during the Civil War before it burned down after a guest dropped a lighted cigar or cigarette.  

Just a little perspective on the massive columns

I took several of these just because the day was so beautiful

As we walked among the columns (which we probably weren’t supposed to be doing), one couldn't help but think of the lives that were lived inside those now imaginary walls.

A beautiful old tree that was probably
there when the house was built.

A very serious D climbing the jungle gym tree

While the adults and teens enjoyed the actual ruins, the younger kids found a tree that looked just like a jungle gym to them.  What a perfect way to end a wonderful day.

A bonus for the day ... my friend Marie (and her children
Izzy and Max) rode with us, just to make sure I didn't get lost ;)

the journey

This fall begins our 11^th year as a homeschooling family.  It has been quite a journey.  One with more ups and downs than I care to remember.

Actually, I’m not sure exactly how to count the years we have spent homeschooling since Ronnie and I made the decision before our children were even born.  My desire has always been to foster an atmosphere of learning ~ though I’m not sure I’ve accomplished that goal, at least not in the way I envisioned it in the days when my children were still toddling around the house with sippy cups.  I had dreamy visions of kids happily bounding out of bed each morning, eager to see what the day would hold.  We might spend the day tramping in the woods or writing compositions or reading the classics.  In my dream world, my children would all absolutely adore school and I would never, ever have to coax them to do their work.

I’m sure that it is unnecessary to say that reality is just a wee bit different absolutely nothing like those early visions.  My children have a love/hate relationship with sleep … they hate it when I am trying to get them to go to sleep and they love it when I am trying to wake them up.  The only time they voluntarily “bound out of bed” … um, actually I don’t think that has ever happened.  Mornings are not our favorite time of day. None of my kids are child prodigies-they won’t be graduating from high school at 13 headed for some Ivy League school. 

Just for the record, I am okay with that.

Somewhere along the way, over the last decade of our journey, I traded those idealized dreams for the reality of life.  Our days may not look like what I thought they would, and we may not have covered as much material as the world says we should have, but God’s hand has been in our journey.   Each of my children is smart in their own way.  They are gifted, maybe not by the world’s standards, but thankfully, it is God’s standards that matter. Their giftedness comes from Him and He doesn’t make mistakes.

There have been many difficult days on this journey.  Some of the troubles we have brought on ourselves, some are things that we simply couldn’t avoid.  But there have also been many wonderful days.  There have been days full of bickering and days full of snuggling.  There have been days when we struggled through the work and days when learning seemed effortless and fun.  Most days are a mixed bag of good and bad, easy and hard. There have been days when my only desire was to throw in the towel and just give up. Fortunately, on those days, my sweet husband reminds me that we didn't choose this path randomly.

God called us to it and confirmed it even before Ronnie and I were married.  

Each day that rolls presents an opportunity to choose joy.  I have become keenly aware, over the course of several years, that my children’s ability to navigate the day ~good or bad~ is directly connected to how I choose to navigate the day. Ouch.  I have no desire to admit how many days I have sabotaged with my own bad attitude. But, I am learning and they are learning and together we are making strides to change our attitudes.

I don’t claim to have gained much wisdom, but there are two things I would tell anyone new to the homeschooling journey.  Things I wish I had understood better when I first started out on this journey.

First and foremost, bathe your journey in prayer.  When the day starts to fall apart, don’t fall apart with it ~ stop immediately and pray.  And when you do fall apart (because we all do) don’t waste time beating yourself up about it. It won’t help.  I have begun to be honest with my kids … I tell them that I know I have messed up and ask them to forgive me.  And then we pray together and try again.  In the end, it is my prayer that my children will remember that we all make mistakes and we all need to seek forgiveness.

The second thing I know for certain is that we shouldn’t try to go this journey alone.  Ronnie and I have been blessed with a great biological family and a wonderful church family; both have been supportive of our journey, even when they don't fully understand what we are doing.  I am extremely thankful not to have faced opposition from either of these groups.  But, God has blessed us with another group of people to help us along the way and I am so thankful.

Our first year homeschooling, Ronnie and I went to a homeschool materials display at a nearby hotel.  While there, we ran into a friend of his from college.  He introduced me and during the course of the conversation, this old friend invited me to visit a meeting of her homeschool support group.  I had no idea what to expect and I didn't really know anyone there, but I went and have never regretted it.  Before I even knew that I needed a group, God met my need.  Just when I would begin thinking that I was the only one experiencing some particular problem, I would go to some event and in just chatting with other moms I would realize that I was not alone.  Later, our family would join with several others to form a new homeschool group and this group has become even more like family to me.  Some of the moms have been schooling their children much longer than I have, while others are just starting out; but we all have something to offer each other: community and shared experiences.  It is an excellent picture of the Titus 2 lifestyle ~ though often the wisdom flows both ways, not just from older to younger.  I have learned much from listening to others on this journey, no matter their age.

I firmly believe that God designed us for community.  Just like a Christian cannot thrive without a church family, I believe that homeschoolers need community, as well.  I realize that not every homeschooling family would agree that they need a support group, but I know that I most likely wouldn't have survived this journey alone and I am so thankful to God for having provided for me before I even knew what I needed.

I really didn't intend to write this particular post.  I actually began with the idea of sharing how one of the ladies in our group helped me to see some things I was missing as I begin a new phase of homeschooling with two teenagers - including our first high-school student.  But, now that this little history of our journey is written, I think I am glad.  Maybe one day it will help my children see the journey a little clearer.  

And, maybe it will help me to remember to be ever-thankful for the great blessings God has poured into my life through this journey of educating my children and finding out that I am learning at least as much as they are ... probably more.

maybe the best answer would be an invitation ...

The subject of this post is one that I usually avoid, but it deals with a question that every home-educating family has heard over and over again, and quite frankly, I am sick of it.


If you home school, I don't need to tell you what I am talking about.


If you don't home school, then you need to know that this question is a little like fingernails on a chalkboard to families who do home school.


Now, I don't normally sit around thinking about how to answer this question, but a fellow home educating mom shared something this week on Facebook that got me started wondering if the way I respond is the best way.  I started thinking that it is possible that the better way to respond would be to offer an invitation, but before I tackle that aspect of this topic, I want to start with how I want to respond to the way this question is typically posed in the media.


The next time someone asks me if I am worried about my children's socialization, this is the response I hope to be brave enough to give them: "Absolutely, that is one of the main reasons I home school."


If you don't understand what I mean by that response, spend a little time researching exactly what socialization means and I think you'll get it.


Now that I've got the annoyed response out of the way, let me share how this conversation normally goes.  Most new people I meet seem to be worried about my kids having adequate opportunities to develop their social skills, but they ask the question with a little more tact.  It usually goes something like this: "Are you part of a home school group or co-op or something?"   The first few times this happened, I really didn't think much of it.  At the beginning of this journey, I honestly didn't know how to answer the question ... and back then, I didn't even understand the difference between socialization and developing social skills.  Now, several years and three kids into our home-schooling adventure, I think I have been asked some version of this question by every (non-homeschooling)  person I have met since we started.  For the most part, it really doesn't bother me, but once in a while I come across something so outrageous that I can't help but wish I had a better answer for those random people (like a lady who quizzed me for several minutes in Walmart one time) that feel the need to check up on my kids social skills.  And now, thanks to the most ridiculous blog post about homeschooling that I have ever read, I think I have finally found my answer.


A friend on Facebook brought to my (and other home-educators) attention a blog post entitled More Like Homecrueling written by a young woman in upstate New York.  The best I can tell, this girl isn't married and doesn't have any children, but she has come across a few home schoolers in her life and based on these 3 or 4 individuals, she has formed the opinion that home schooled children are all socially awkward recluses sitting in their homes pining away to join the normal kids on the school bus as it passes by their home every morning.  I don't feel the need to address the absolute absurdity, not to mention, narrow-mindedness, of her opinion, but after reading the 300+ comments on the post, I must admit that she obviously touched a nerve ... and not just among home schooling families.  It really shouldn't surprise anyone that such a derogatory opinion put forth in such an inflammatory way might ruffle a few feathers, but I was shocked at the number of comments and the many issues surrounding home education on which they touched.  I won't go into all of that here, let me just say that the discussion became a spring board for what I am about to share.


In the future, perhaps I should answer questions about our home schooling with an invitation.  Maybe I could word it this way.


If you are interested in knowing anything about my kids, let me invite you to get to know them.  Talk to my children ... don't quiz them on whether or not they would rather be in public school, or if it is hard to have their Mama teach them all the time.  Just get to know them.  Ask them about their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, and what they like to read or the games they like to play.  Come with us to little league games and dance recitals and see them interact with their friends (most of whom attend public school).  If you still aren't satisfied, come visit our church and witness first-hand their relationships there, both with other children and with the adults that they easily communicate with on a regular basis.  


Still unsure?  Here's one final option ...


Join our family at one of our home school group meetings and just observe the kids.  You might be surprised to find a group of kids from all types of backgrounds ... some are rich, some are poor, most are probably in the middle.  The reasons why these families have chosen to home educate their children are as varied as the children themselves.  If you view us with an open mind, you will find that very few of us are operating under the belief that our children are perfect, or that the education that we are providing for those kids is perfect.  Most of us have many fears about our own abilities, but we move forward in faith that God is going to honor our efforts.  And, contrary to what seems to be a popular opinion, most of us don't think that we are better parents simply because we home school our kids.  We don't look down on the parents of children in public school, and, while some home schoolers are definitely over-achievers, most of us are parents of normal kids going about normal lives, with this one exception - we choose to be fully responsible for our children's education.


I feel quite certain that I will never deliver this little speech anywhere but here, but it feels good just to get it out of my head.  After having read almost all of the comments on the blog post mentioned above, the one comment that was repeated several times and that made me want to respond most vehemently, was the idea that because I don't hold a degree in every subject that I will need to teach my children, I am obviously unqualified.  Since I didn't care to add to the craziness on the blog (and since the author was obviously uninterested in hearing any point of view that opposed her own), I'll tell you what I think about that here.  While it is true that I am not an expert in much of anything, I am passionate about my children learning what they need to know and I am fully aware that the responsibility sits squarely on my shoulders.  I cannot tell you right now exactly how I will handle advanced math and science classes for my children because we haven't reached that level yet, but I can tell you that I firmly believe that if I instill a solid work ethic (which we are still working on) and a love of learning in my children then they will have the tools they need to learn any subject.


This just might be one of the longest posts I have ever written for this blog, which probably tells you how very passionate I am about the subject at hand.  And, while the attitudes of others may not affect my ability to educate my kids, no one likes to be stereotyped for any reason.  Somehow, I don't think the author, or those commenting so strongly against home schooling on that other blog, would like to have the choices they make for their children (if they even have them) scrutinized and declared cruel or unacceptable, especially by those who know absolutely nothing about the life they lead.  Who would?