fourteen

I say it every year on this day.

How can it be possible that I am old enough to have a ____ year old daughter.

Here we are again and this year I have a fourteen year old!

I spent the morning looking through old pictures ~ you know from back in the dark ages when we actually printed pictures ~ and it dawned on me that I really miss those carefree days before the real world crowded in and we all had to grow up and go to school and such.  

But there is joy in these new days as well.  Today that joy is found in celebrating the young woman that my beautiful baby girl is becoming.  I find joy in the little things I notice about my girl ... this has been a hard year for our family and I can see her coming through it stronger, but a little softer and more willing to look for the good instead of the bad.  She's learning the value of working hard at things that aren't as easy as she thought they would be. That lesson alone will serve her well as she continues to become the woman that God created her to be.  Sometimes, I miss that tiny little girl who used to talk my ear off but that is mainly because I realize that she is quickly growing up and I want to hold on to our days together.  

I wish I had something witty or memorable to say at this point, but all I know is that I love this little girl with all my heart and I am excited to see how God is going to use her for His glory.

My little angel ... I didn't even feel like a Mama yet when this picture was taken :)

I loved this outfit!

With her Daddy on her first Easter

LB with my Mama ... we didn't know then that Mama would be
LB's first best friend.  I am so thankful for the time they spent
together while they had the opportunity.

I think this is one of the cutest pictures ever taken of my girl!
She was dressed up for her first trip to the Dixie Stampede.

On the tire swing at my parents' house

LB's third birthday

Her first day of Mother's Morning Out

The day she was recognized at church for memorizing 100 Bible Verses.
She sure misses her friend Poptart since she moved away!

At Disney, with the only character she really wanted to meet!

At a family reunion last weekend

Me and Mama ~ I was 20 ... several people have looked at this
and thought it is a picture of LB and Mama.

Beautiful girl!

the bumpity road

I can't even begin to count the number of times that I have traveled over this road.

As kids, my brothers and I walked it to meet the school bus and rode our bikes (and later our horses) over its one little hill and hundreds of ruts to get to the main road,  you know, the one that was paved.  As teens, we learned to drive going back and forth to that main road. 

Now I drive this little road with my own kids.  As a matter of fact, they are the ones that dubbed it the bumpity road.  When they were younger, they couldn't wait to turn onto this dirt road because they knew that as soon as the car tires left the pavement it was safe for them to take off their seat belts.  

Very few people even know where this tiny little dirt road goes, but for me this little bumpity road is special for one very important reason ...

                                                                                 ... it leads home.


A few weeks ago, around the beginning of spring, I was driving this road alone and the sun was shining and the trees and grass were as green as I have ever seen them, and the thought came to me how this road is, in some ways, a lot like life.  

If I am only looking down at the bumps in the road, I might miss the beauty around me.

But there is much more to this little road than a life lesson.

This little road takes me to a place where I feel safe.  

A place where I can go to find refuge in a storm.

*********************************

I wrote the words above sometime last year and, despite the fact that the road has gotten considerably more "bumpity" over the last few months, I find that they are still true today.  
You see, I am writing the post that I have been dreading since the first time I blogged about cancer.  And, despite the fact that I have written it in my head more than once~ testing the waters, so to speak~ I just haven't been able to find the right words or force my fingers to type them.  Truth be told, I don't want to write this post now, but I have come to realize that I must.  I cannot move forward until I gather my courage and do it.  I want to blog.  I have lots of posts that I want to write, but I just can't.  There was a time when I found great joy in blogging, but now I can't even comment on my friends' blogs ~ this unwritten post is just too heavy on my mind.

I know that this probably sounds a little melodramatic, but I just can't help it.  This is just one more step in walking through the most difficult thing I've ever experienced.  Well, perhaps walking is the wrong word ... groping would probably be more accurate - now I'm going to do a little more groping and actually type the words ...

Last Friday was my Daddy's 71st birthday and last Friday also marked three months since my Mama went home to be with Jesus.  

There, I've said it.

There are many, many things I'd like to say about my Mama, and maybe someday I will share more of them here, but today I'll only share the thing that I have clung to for these last few months.  

My mother was serious about her faith.  She knew the love of her Savior here on earth and now she is experiencing that love first hand.  And, like many others before me, I can say that despite the fact that I am experiencing a sadness that I cannot explain in mere words, I would never, ever want her to leave the joys of Heaven to return to the pain of this fallen world.  

I don't suppose I will ever stop missing Mama as long as I am on this side of Heaven, but as long as I am here, I pray that I can follow in her footsteps and live the legacy she left for her children and grandchildren. 

 A legacy of love and devotion to her Savior, to her family, and to her friends.

**************************************

I don't know how I originally intended to finish the post that I titled the bumpity road.  Who knows, maybe this is the ending that this particular post needed.

I do know that the bumpity road has changed for me.  
That little road still leads home, but it will never be the same.  

My understanding of home has changed.

I will always be thankful for the home that Mama made for our family and the fact that I could (and still can) return to that home and find comfort, but I am even more thankful for the knowledge that this fallen world, filled with bumpity roads, is not my final home.  

This is Mama's legacy.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, 

when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

Psalm 61:2

I will say of the LORD, 

He is my refuge and my fortress: 

my God; in him will I trust. 

Psalm 91:2

Someday, when my children are grown, I pray that they will look at the bumpity roads that they have walked and know that there is a place where they can find refuge in a storm.  I pray that I will always point them to the One who is able to provide that refuge.  I always want to be there for them, just as Mama was always there for me, but ultimately, I hope they know, just as Mama taught me, that it is not me (or anyone else) that they need ... it is Jesus.

Jesus saith unto him, 

I am the way, the truth, and the life: 

no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. 

John 14:6

Peace I leave with you, 

my peace I give unto you: 

not as the world giveth, give I unto you. 

Let not your heart be troubled, 

neither let it be afraid. 

John 14:27

blessed

I am blessed.  

That is the focus of this post.  I could spend this entire post telling you about the chaotic turn my life has taken lately, but that wouldn't do any of us any good.

The truth is that no matter what is going on in my life, those circumstances cannot separate me from the Father who loves me unconditionally.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

As far as I can tell, these two verses pretty much cover anything that might come my way and if none of these things can separate me from the love of God, what can I possibly fear?

This song is the title of the musical our choir will be presenting on Sunday morning and it is also one of my all time favorite hymns.  I had always liked it, but a few years ago Mama told me that it is one of her favorite and one of the songs she wants sung at her funeral.  That comment caused me to listen even closer to the words and really think about what they mean.  I hope you'll do the same.

Because He lives I can face tomorrow...

a fresh start

A quick Google search this morning led me to a couple of lists of superstitions associated with New Year's Day.  Some of these I had heard before, some I hadn't.  Most seemed silly on the surface, but when I thought about them I realized that they would be difficult to carry out and the underlying fear (for those that believe in that kind of stuff) is actually quite sad.

Let me just say that I am not even almost superstitious.  Faith and superstition have no place in the same heart, so I choose faith.  Besides, I find it much easier to trust that my Father is in control than to believe that it is bad luck to wash dishes on New Year's Day.  Or here's an even better one ... did you know that some people believe that the first person to enter your home in the new year should be a tall, dark-haired, handsome man and that he should come bearing gifts?  But don't let a blonde or red-haired man, or a woman (with any color hair) be the first one to come in your house ... even if you have to keep them out at gun-point!  Oh, and for the good luck to work, the dark-haired man must enter your house before anyone already inside leaves the house. Really?!?

With all that said, there is one thing about the New Year's Day superstitions that I like and I think I will use that idea to decide what to do with the rest of my day.  It seems that the idea behind all of these silly superstitions is that what you do on New Year's Day will have an effect on how you spend the rest of the year.  So, with that in mind, here are my plans for today.

There is no question that the first thing on my list (I should have already done, but haven't yet) is to spend time with my heavenly Father, reading His Word and praying.  If I made no changes in 2013, except to increase my time with my Father, it would be a good year.

Today, I also plan to spend time with my family.  Since we are all stuck inside, (due to the fact that the kids are all still nursing coughs and it is raining and yucky out so we would rather keep them inside) I want our time together to be pleasant.  Of course, keeping three cooped up kids from bickering is next to impossible, so my goal will just be to handle it well when they do.

I am going to cook a good, healthy meal for my family today.  It will consist of the traditional black-eyed peas and cabbage ... not because I believe they bring good luck, but because my hubby really likes them and I like fixing things that he likes.  Over the years of cooking the cabbage, I have discovered that I don't hate it as much as I thought I did.  I still don't like black-eyed peas too much, but I'll eat them today, just to make him happy!  Added to that we will have pork loin and corn-bread and probably some English peas (since the kids don't like the cabbage!).

Finally, I am going to put my house in order.  Not the whole house, just the living room - which has doubled as the sick-room lately - and the kitchen.  Neither are in terrible shape, but they do need a little attention and what better pattern to set for the new year than to take care of a small problem before it gets out of hand?

Life is full of changes and we have seen quite a few over the last year.  In 2012, lots of good things happened ... Ronnie officially became the manager of his department and has proven himself quite capable of handling the job ... LB became a teenager and, for the most part, hasn't turned into some horrible monster that none of us can live with ;o) ... we began another school year and have experienced the usual ups and downs that are a natural part of each new challenge we face in school.  

2012 also brought some changes in our church family ... new members that have quickly become new friends ... church family members that have gone home to be with the Lord (sad for us, not for them) ... Ronnie was privileged to perform the wedding of our good friends Brooks and Leigh Anne.  There are other things, of course, but these are the ones that stand out the most.

Of course, there were some changes that we wish hadn't come ... most of all, the decision of our oldest and dearest couple friends, Brad and Amy, to move their family to Starkville so that Brad could take a new job.  ~Okay, sideline here to say that I have no idea how to describe our friendship with Brad and Amy ... Ronnie and I have been married for 15 years and we have been friends with them for 12 of those years ... our children have literally grown up together and they've been much more than just "friends at church" but to try and put all of that into words would take days and be way more than anyone is really interested in knowing.~  I'll just say this about their moving, we pray that they will be firmly in the will of God in whatever they do and that they won't forget how to find their way home!

It is impossible for me to sit here, with a brand new year ahead and not look forward to the things that it will bring.  There are many changes that I want to make in this new year ... some that I have been working on for years and some that are new challenges ... my prayer is that God will show me which things that HE wants me to focus on and which things I should simply leave in the past.  My desire is that when 2013 draws to a close, I will be able to say that the most important change in this year has been that I have drawn closer to God, because I know that in doing so, He will draw closer to me.  What more can we ask from a shiny new year?

Christmas, really?

It seems that lately I haven't been able to find any words for this little blog of mine.  Not that there haven't been things to blog about, there are plenty of things I want to share.  But, it seems that each time I sit down, fingers poised over the keyboard, my mind goes blank and the words just won't transfer from my brain to my fingers.  It makes me sad to think of all the things that I wanted to write about that I have missed ... kids' birthdays, school struggles and triumphs, LB's first play, JW's leading role in the Christmas musical, and the list goes on ... 

So, what is it that has finally prompted me to actually force the words from my brain to the screen?  I suppose it could be coming to the end of another year and looking forward to a new one ... that always makes me a bit reflective.  I don't really know the answer, but maybe I'll be able to find my way out of this blogging slump since I really do miss sharing regularly.

This has been the most un-Christmas like Christmas ever for our family.  We almost didn't even put up a tree and we didn't get out any of our decorations except for the Nativity scene that LB insisted we couldn't have Christmas without.  We did finally buy a very small tree less than a week before Christmas and decorate it with the new ornaments that we have received this year.  We jokingly called it our Charlie Brown tree.  I didn't even begin shopping until the week before Christmas and even then we basically only shopped for the kids.

We didn't plan for this to be an unusually small Christmas, but then things don't always go as we have planned, now do they?  I said several times that I couldn't figure out how we got from Dec. 1st to the 15th without my noticing the passing of time, but we did.  During the first half of this month, all three kids were in a production with our home school group.  LB was in her first play and the boys were in a Christmas musical.  

The following week, it became clear that Ronnie's grandmother would likely not live until Christmas, so he made a flying trip to the coast to see her.  He had only been home a few hours when the news came that she had passed away and we began making preparations to return to the coast for the funeral.  Her life should have a blog-post all its own, but I'll simply say that she lived all of her 96 years well and that her family is a testimony to her love for the Lord and her willingness to serve Him.

Ronnie, LB and I returned home on Sunday (leaving the boys with Ronnie's Mom) to try to get the house ready for his Mom to come stay with us for Christmas.  Again, this could be a post all its own, but suffice it to say that I have been reminded, in a very clear way, that I really need to get a better handle on keeping my home clean and organized.  A new continued project from years past, that I will take into 2013 ... maybe this will be the year I succeed!

So, Granny and the boys arrive on Wednesday (as in the 19th) and with her help we got the shopping done ... in other words, she kept the kids while I shopped.  It is a good thing that we basically finished on Friday, since she and Ronnie spent Saturday in the ER finding out that he had cellulitis (an infection under the skin) and not a blood clot in his leg.  We were supposed to spend Saturday with my family, but LB was sick and Ronnie was in the ER so I stayed home.  The boys did go, though they shouldn't have since they were both sick before the weekend was over.

And that brings us to another first for us, (we've never before NOT put out any of our normal decorations) all three kids were sick on Christmas.  JW was the most miserable, though they were all coughing, sneezing, and running low grade temps.  He was so miserable that he had to force himself to open his gifts and then he just set them aside took to the couch.  They have felt so bad that they didn't leave the house for a full week and when we finally ventured out today, they kept asking if they could please go home!

So, why all this talk of the Christmas that almost didn't come?  Because it has caused me to reflect on what Christmas really means to me.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I know the true meaning of Christmas, but what I am questioning is the place that Christmas has in MY heart.  Does worshiping my Savior come somewhere behind all the traditions that have always been important to me?  This year, with everything stripped bare, I have been able to see more clearly the things that need to change ... not in how I decorate or in how many presents I buy, but in my heart.

There was a song in our Christmas musical this year called What Christmas Really Means and it sums up how I have been feeling much better than any words I can come up with.  I wish that I could find it for you to listen to, but the printed words will have to suffice.  It is kind of long, but oh, so worth it.

We're invited to the sacred manger

where Glory sleeps upon the hay,

to bow in wonder at the myst'ry

of all that is fulfilled this day.

Oh hallelujah!  Where there was darkness,

now heaven's Light has intervened.

A child is born and we watch breathless

to see what Christmas really means.

We're invited to relive the journey

from Bethlehem to Calvary.

The Lamb will lead us to the hillside

where ev'ry willing soul is freed.

Oh hallelujah! He dies to save us,

and we fall silent at the scene.

Oh, pierce our hearts to feel the sorrow.

This is what Christmas really means.

We're invited to the tomb, now empty

for dawn has come and hope is here.

The curse is swallowed up in vict'ry,

and there is nothing left to fear.

Oh hallelujah! Jesus has risen.

Come sing the song of the redeemed

as we proclaim to men and angels,

behold what Christmas really means.

Oh hallelujah! We'll shout forever.

Love's final chapter is complete.

And He will reign and we will worship.

Oh hallelujah to the King.

As I contemplate the end of another year, I want to begin 2013 with an attitude of worship ... not because the calendar tells me that some day has been set aside to recognize what my Savior has done for me, but because Jesus lives in my heart and that is the only reason I should need.

daybook ... once in a blue moon

Have you ever wondered what that saying actually means?  Well, thanks to a question from one of my kids not long ago, I looked it up.  Of course, there is more than one answer to the question, but the most widely accepted answer is that a blue moon occurs when there are two full moons within a single calendar month.  Sounds good to me ... 

Now that you have been armed with a dose of useless information ... how about a little glimpse into my day.

FOR TODAY: 

October 2, 2012

Outside my window...

Yesterday's rain is gone and the sun is shining...the cooler temps are still hanging around, giving a decidedly fall feel to the air.  Ain't it grand?!

I am thinking...

about all that needs to get done today and about some things I need to order for school.

I am thankful...

for the cooler weather and for the way God provides the things we need.

In the kitchen...

I have a pork loin sitting on the counter waiting to be cooked ... just trying to decide how to cook it.

I am wearing...

sweats and a t-shirt

I am creating...

a trivet for some friends who are getting married soon ... actually, this one is for a joke and made at my husband's request ... since the bride is an Ole Miss fan and the groom a State fan, I have crocheted two pot holders, one blue and red and the other maroon and white ... I will stitch the two together and let them decide which one wins out.

I am going...

to stay home today and hopefully get some laundry and other housework done.

I am wondering...

if I'll ever get used to having to tell my kids that there are questions that I just don't know the answers to.  It is so hard to realize that we can't fix everything for our kids and somethings they will just have to struggle through.

I am reading...

Heart of the Wilderness by Janette Oke  and  the book of Proverbs

I am hoping...

that LB isn't disappointed with the ribbons she is awarded for her fair entries ... she is especially concerned about her wreath, since it was her favorite entry and she worked so hard on it.

I am looking forward to...

going to the fair on Thursday and seeing our projects displayed.

I am learning...

to trust God even more each day as I recognize the things in my life over which I have absolutely no control.

Around the house...

the housework was neglected last week as we completed fair projects and then had an extremely busy weekend, so I need to catch up this week.

I am pondering...

Proverbs chapter 2 ... there is much to ponder in those verses

A favorite quote for today...

For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6

One of my favorite things...

quiet evenings at home with the family.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

going to the MS State Fair on Thursday to see our craft projects, going back on Saturday to work in the booth for Operation Christmas Child and hopefully spending much of the rest of the week at home.

A peek into my day...

D doing mazes on my bed ... waiting patiently on me to do his phonics lesson

the potholders commissioned by Ronnie
that will soon be sewn together to make a trivet

I hope you enjoyed your little glimpse into my day ... if you want to take a similar look into the lives of other bloggers, visit  The Simple Woman's Daybook.

i can't believe we pulled it off ...

On Monday, September 17, 2012, Ronnie and I officially became the parents of a teenager. 

To celebrate this milestone, I hatched the idea of a surprise party.  Now, I am not sure what put the idea into my head, but since my sweet little girl is such a "Nosy Nellie" I knew that it would be fun to plan something behind her back.  

And, plan we did!  

One of the hardest parts of the planning was knowing exactly which girls to invite.  Though I didn't think about it at first, I ended up inviting eight girls and only seven could come, which turned out to be perfect since the party would be at our church and our tables seat eight.  I knew that LB would want to invite our entire home school group, not to mention all the other girls that she knows from church and dance, but that was just impractical, so I had to make the decision on my own.  

For the party theme, I chose "Pinterest" ... LB is somewhat obsessed with the site and many times has hi-jacked my account and pinned tons of things to her own boards.  As a side note, she has been begging her Daddy and me to let her get her own facebook and pinterest accounts, but we haven't given in on those ... yet.  Anyway, back to the party ... I chose to make recipes and crafts for the girls from things that LB and I have found on Pinterest.  This is the other part of the surprise that I was worried that LB would wish she could have been in on.  It was fun for me, but several times I wished that I could ask her opinion on something without arousing suspicion. 

I chose two craft projects for the party ... button bracelets

and glass magnets

Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of the girls and their crafts on my phone and I can't find the cord to put the pictures from my camera on the computer, so you'll just have to take my word for the fact that they were cute.  I did mess up a little on the glass magnets by not buying the right kind of glue.  I used my home made mod podge to make the sample and it worked fine, but I took my time and held the paper in place on the glass until it dried enough, but I forgot to tell the girls to do that, so some of theirs didn't stay glued very well.

For the food, LB had asked for a Kit-Kat cake that I had found on Pinterest several months ago and made for a friend, so that was an easy choice.  Then we had chocolate dipped pretzel rods and grapes dipped in caramel and crushed peanuts.  I had also planned to dip oreos in white chocolate and sprinkles, but we ran out of time.  We did have some, non-Pinterest inspired food, like little smokies and ham sandwiches, but those are hardly worth mentioning ...

The cake ... marbled chocolate and yellow cake, iced with white icing
and then surrounded by KitKats to make a bowl in the middle for mini M&M's.
The candles are another pinterest find...
cheap candles with colorful sequins glued on them.  Fun, huh?

The girls and the pretzel rods ... I dipped them in chocolate but the girls
drizzled the white chocolate and had a GREAT time doing it!

What was left after the girls (and my boys) finished eating

Of course, you can't have a surprise party without some planning and even a little fibbing to the surprisee ... and this is the part of the party that I couldn't have pulled off without my parents.  LB spent the night before the party at their house and then spent the day with them on Friday.  It was a good thing that I didn't have to see LB on the day of the party because I am a terrible liar ... as in even a small child can tell if I am not telling the truth!  Fortunately, my Mama is better than me and LB had no idea that they weren't really coming to the church to pick us up to go out to eat for her birthday.  The girls were hiding in the closet in the kitchen and LB was truly shocked when they came piling out yelling surprise!  I only wish I had a picture of the look on her face, but I was videoing and it is stuck in my camera with the rest of the pictures :(

LB and her guests ... she still looks a little surprised and overwhelmed here.

I am thrilled that we were able to pull of the surprise and even more thrilled that LB and her friends had such a good time at her party.  Though we usually blame the noise in our house on the boys, I will tell you that 8 pre-teen and teen girls can make A LOT of noise!  But, I can handle the noise for one night knowing that she really did have a happy birthday!

How we celebrated the actual day ... JW made LB muffins for breakfast!